


"he's just misguided i think,"

by zacefronspants



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 2+1 times thing, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Hurt Lance (Voltron), M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Sad Lance (Voltron), Sad with a Happy Ending, kind of song fic, mentions of when lance died
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 04:16:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18402926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zacefronspants/pseuds/zacefronspants
Summary: Lance couldn’t tell you, but the second this alien who was more moose like than anything shoved its hoof so hard against his stomach he heard a sickening crunch and splinter, he knew everything that had been so carefully coordinated and planned was up in flames and he couldn’t fucking breathe anymore.





	"he's just misguided i think,"

**Author's Note:**

> songs used:
> 
> fine - kacey musgraves  
> noserings & shoestrings - nina nesbitt  
> be my mistake - the 1975

**_i. and i’m fine_ **

Lance sees it before he felt it; a piece of shrapnel falls and pierces his stomach and suddenly he feels  _ hotcoldhotcoldhotcold _ all over. He's dying, he knew long before he hears everyone start screaming over the coms to just hang on. Lance feels his legs starting to shake and something warm pool down his clothes,  _ blood _ , he thinks and Lance wonders for a moment if dying is really like all the books and movies and songs make it sound like. He counts to thirteen, always thirteen because his mother always said, “Give yourself a few more seconds to feel.” And it's not enough to stop the icy hot feeling that's clawing itself up and down his spine and the deep rooted smell of iron that's filling his mouth and nose every time he breathes.

Lance knows he hasn't been lying there long when he feels calloused hands pulling him up right and cradling his head against a chest that smells like sweat, and something that reminds him of campfires mixed with Lance's blood. He knows it's Keith, scratching his scalp and begging him to keep his eyes open. But Lance is tired, his fingers are numb and his toes are chilled, he just wants to sleep. “Do you remember the first time I kissed you, Keith?” Lance asks, voice thick with mucus and blood. He hears Keith sob a laugh out and whisper that he does. Lance grins as best he can and thinks about it.

Thinks about how soft and warm Keith’s lips felt on his, how good he tasted when the initial shock wore off and Keith kissed Lance back and whispered, “I'm finally home.” Because Keith had told him, one night when the sky was blood orange and they had drank far too much that he felt restless. That Keith had wanted a home so very badly. And Lance remembers, with a melancholy fondness that Keith made a home in him.

Lance, squints his eyes up at Keith and says, “I'm very tired, baby.” And in that instant Lance sees Keith and how terrified of how much blood is staining his clothes and Lance feels everything all at once whenever Keith grips him closer and says, “You don't feel cold, bug. But I'll keep the cold out.” They don't talk for long moments; Lance shivering and fighting the heaviness in his eyes and Keith promising to learn how to make garlic knots properly.

Lance can feel his breathing slowing down, can feel his eyes closing for longer each time he blinks. He looks up at Keith and asks, so soft, “Do you think we’ll ever make it home?” And he knows that Keith nods and says something along the lines of, “Just a little longer.” 

Lance remembers two very distinct things, one is being placed into Shiro’s arms and a gentle kiss being pressed to his head and two being that every muscle that had been numb from blood loss and shock is suddenly on fire and he’s screaming for Shiro to just stop moving him. He vaguely hears Shiro promise that it's just a bit longer and to, “Hold on baby boy, I've got you.” Lance is just  _ tired  _ and doesn't know how he got here, he was so careful. He tries to count again, but all that keeps slipping out is, “I’m so sorry.” Lance doesn’t even know what he’s apologizing for anymore, he’s just so fucking scared.

He remembers the hiss of the healing pod opening and falling into Keith’s arms, but not much else.

**_ii. forget the past and move on_ **

Lance thinks about when he died a lot of the time; how he didn’t see some white light or hear the voices of long since passed loved ones. he saw flashes of what could’ve been, what should’ve been, what he didn’t say. He tries desperately not to dwell on it, but sometimes when he startles awake and pinches himself to just make sure he’s still fucking alive and in the castle, that he’s one hundred percent still breathing and that he’s not stuck in some in between of half here and half somewhere else. Lance wonders, when he’s watching the stars shift and he’s got a cup of whatever the fuck, if when he had murmured, “Maybe i don’t have a thing,” that his thing was dying or almost dying. He seems to be an excellent hare-bringer of almosts and too close a calls. He tells himself that he came out unscathed, unchanged, but it’s a bold faced lie and everyone can taste it when he spits out an empty joke and completely stops trying to be cautious during training or during a mission.

Lance doesn’t mean to shut everyone out, doesn’t mean to lock up the prickling anxiety he gets when he sleeps so long Hunk has to come remind him that it’s been a few days since anyone has seen him. He doesn’t mean to do a lot of things; didn’t mean to shut Keith and Shiro out, didn’t mean to shut down so completely the only time he feels anything is when he gets shot at, blown up, or shoved down so hard he’s seeing stars.

Lance knows the exact moment this entire plan goes to fucking shit. Knew the minute Shiro decided that sending him to be a distraction wouldn’t work, but maybe Lance was banking on it being a terrible idea in the first place. Lance couldn’t tell you, but the second this alien who was more moose like than anything shoved its hoof so hard against his stomach he heard a sickening  _ crunch  _ and  _ splinter,  _ he knew everything that had been so carefully coordinated and planned was up in flames and he couldn’t fucking breathe anymore. He whisper yells over the comms that they’re coming, whoever they are and that Pidge needs to get the data and run. Lance stumbles away from wherever he is and tries to book it bad to Blue, to anywhere where he can just lie down and count to thirteen. 

Lance’s vision is swimming and he’s starting to dry heave, he thinks maybe something exploded because everywhere feels so fucking hot and it’s a little like how dying felt. He hears Shiro asking him if he’s okay and Lance whispers out, “Sometimes I think I’m Icarus,” he coughs and wheezes, “I flew too close to sun and now I’m just burning. Shiro I’m so sorry.”

Lance knows when he wakes up and stumbles into Keith’s arms that he’d passed out somewhere. Lance grips onto Keith and whispers he’s sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Shiro presses in close and tells him it’s okay, it’s not his fault. 

Lance nods and cries quietly until he feels his eyes close.

**_iii. i get lonesome sometimes_ **

Lance is walking, not running back to his lion when it hits him. Nothing went wrong, he was able to distract the guards for long enough that Shiro and Allura got whatever it was they needed, he didn’t get screamed at, didn’t get  _ hurt.  _ He knows he’s grinning when he slips into Blue and Keith is on the screen with a raised eyebrow. “Nothing happened. I’m in one piece, Shiro and Allura are on their way. And so am I.” He says, almost giddy. Lance and Keith chat the entire way back to the castle, Keith telling him about the Blades and Lance filling him in on everything. Lance says his goodbye and exits his lion to go meet Shiro and he wonders briefly if Shiro is as pleased with how this worked out as he is. 

 

Lance runs into him and just smiles up at him, looping his arms around Shiro’s shoulders and pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. Lance relishes in the soft smile Shiro gives him and he thinks this is okay.

**Author's Note:**

> no one encouraged this but me and the ending is so rough im so sorry


End file.
